Writing on a picnic table, sitting outside the RV in the warm New Mexico sun and I keep thinking that I should be in a hurry to do something? I ask myself, even after nearly two years of my pre- retirement normal life of leaving the house at 6 and trying to be home by 5 ended, if I have accomplished enough today. I really wonder if it’s just me or if that sense of needing to make and check things off a list ever dulls. On the flip side, never before have I not set an alarm for weeks at a time and I want to celebrate that small shift. Keith seems to have no issues with a life of leisure and he had an equally demanding career. I marvel at his absolute disregard for urgency or sense that time is an indulgence not to be overlooked. For years, I was the psycho wrapping Christmas gifts until 3 am so that they would be ready for the tree to go up- the first Sunday of December each year, the sadist who set a 4 am alarm to disinfect the washer and dryer so as to not compromise my self sufficient laundry duty offspring, and the principal who sent 2 am emails and wrote evaluations until it was too late to string words together. Upon making the decision to retire, I was exuberant that all of these things would be history and my world of dancing in the sand to Jimmy Buffet, yelling “salt, salt, salt” with my margarita sloshing merrily, would be my norm. Am I just not capable of that?
My roommate, my lover, my “it’s your turn to walk the dog” partner and 24/7 live in best friend, claims that I create work for myself. Do not misunderstand, I am a champion of having a good time- there are currently 12 videos out there documenting such events. And although, my children have told me, no one is interested in our nomadic cinematic endeavors, we have gathered a little audience who seems to enjoy the edited version of the adventures. Truth be told, that has become a great source for me having a marginal purpose beyond, seek fun, eat, exercise and sleep. I wish there was a measurement of when the shift from overload and chaos transcends to deep breaths of appreciated relaxation. After all, I’m sitting here with my dog cuddled around my feet, birds eating out of the feeders I set up tableside, a soft warm wind blowing as I type. My day’s agenda at this moment consists of going to the gym, starting to pack up for Arizona, perhaps cutting up veggies form the farmer’s market and some hiking in the foothills. Am I completely mad that I might mentally crave an occasional heated staff debate, a tension riddled meeting or a need for me to create a well-crafted memo about anything? My latte is getting cold….wait, perhaps the coffee machine needs cleaning?